Embracing the Uncertainty of Your Early Twenties

Three years ago I was so certain of my future plans and everything I wanted to make of my life. Boy, has a lot changed since then! Yes, I still have big goals and aspirations, but hardly anything lines up with what my plans were 3 years ago as an incoming college freshman.

Sounds scary, doesn’t it? That’s what I thought at first, but all the obstacles along the way have proven to be some of the best experiences to shape my character. Best experiences that I would like to never have again, that is… but that’s how we learn, right?

Flash back to almost four years ago when I wrote my Purdue University admission essay. Below is an excerpt from the beginning of the paper I was so proud of:

“Young, rosy cheeked children play on a bright yellow and red playground, the swings squeak as the kids soar happily through the air, and suddenly there is a loud crash as a child jumps and lands in the sea of pea gravel. In the child’s mind, he or she is flying over the deep blue sea, landing on an exotic island, and setting out on a great adventure. No matter our place in life, we all started here and we need to remember this.”

I won’t bore you with the entirety of my college admission essay, but to sum it up, I had to write my future autobiography. I remember choosing this option because I’ve always been a huge dreamer, and I thought, the possibilities are endless! I went on to discuss my successful career starting with an engineering degree from Purdue University and going on to be a pediatric oncologist.

I even talked about my big family and the day myself and a team of researchers discovered the cure for cancer. I described every detail as I pictured it, from the weather that day to the outfit I was wearing to the emotional rollercoaster that day provided.

You see, I had a big plan. It’s almost like I thought getting the “most difficult” degree and having the most “prestigious” job and accomplishments were the key. Little did I realize that this thing called college was coming in hot, right around the corner, all too soon… only to smack me in the face and humble me to the core.

Now, I had a very difficult time at first, yes. Freshman year first semester was by NO means easy or enjoyable for me, but it was GREAT for my overall character. This is the case for so many college students fresh out of high school who are trying so desperately to make something of themselves.

I’m here to tell you a few things straight from the source.

Five “it’s okay, buts” that I learned the hard way and know to be true after 3 years in college:

1. It’s okay to feel lost and not know what you want to do with your life, but it does no good to mope about it. As eighteen year olds, you don’t have to know what you’re planning to do with the rest of your life. I’m 22, and I’m still not exactly sure. There’s a beauty to it. Embrace the uncertainty when you feel unsure.

2. It’s okay to not have your future spouse picked out and your future life planned to the T, but having good morals and staying true to yourself and your values is crucial. Living in the moment is spectacular and beautiful and full of mystery right around the corner; however, being responsible and slowly developing a feel for what you really want out of life is a huge part of college. There’s beauty, again. Embrace the uncertainty as you slowly gain a sense of what you want.

3. It’s okay to not have a lot of money in the bank, but it’s important to be smart with your finances. Let’s face it: college students are very often “broke.” That fun night out is totally worth it every now and then, but don’t blow it all. Budget. Save. Embrace the uncertainty as you learn to manage your finances.

4. It’s okay to ask for help, but it’s important to practice independence. Coming from a girl who loves nothing more than being as independent as possible, I’ve learned that it’s also okay to ask for help when the opportunity presents itself. Embrace the uncertainty of letting new people in and accepting assistance and advice willingly.

5. It’s okay to order the pizza at 3 am every now and then, but it’s not okay to make consistent unhealthy habits and not take care of yourself. So many of us have been blessed with bodies capable of so much: physically, emotionally, and mentally. Why would you waste it? Exercise, try that new healthy recipe, opt out of watching TV every now and then and take a bike ride instead. Embrace the uncertainty as you find ways to make your healthy lifestyle right for YOU.

“There is a story I love to share about my youngest child, Charlotte Jane. She has always been very curious and always wants to know how things work. She once had a purple glow stick and asked me how it worked. I answered honestly and told her I wasn’t sure if I could explain it to her.”

Such a huge part of my college career has been finding my passions. What do I love? Children. What do I want to do? Work with special needs children.

Although a lot has changed from what I dreamt up in my original college admission essay, there are a few things that haven’t, as shown above with another glimpse at an excerpt from my original essay. I still have the same morals I’ve always had, and I’ve kept a few of the passions I’ve always had, one of them being for having a stable family and children. This leads me to my last “it’s okay, but” that I know to be true:

6. It’s okay to change and develop and grow as you roll with the punches in college, but remember to stay true to who you’ve always been and don’t forget the passions you’ve always had. Embrace the uncertainty, but DON’T FORGET WHO YOU ARE.

“She pondered the thought and then proceeded to explain her theory. She was thinking that it was purple lemonade and lightening bug juice that creates the pretty violet glow of a purple glow stick. In that moment, she reminded me that there is never a silly question and to never be afraid to share thoughts and ideas. Any stress I had melted away as I was reminded, once again, to keep an open mind. Whether a playground or a purple glow stick, we need to reach back and draw on that childhood inspiration. As adults we owe it to ourselves, our families, and our communities to keep that spark alive.”

Keep that spark alive. Stay true to yourself. Dream. Use your imagination. Embrace not knowing.

Embrace the uncertainty.